Yikes! Bicyclists roll free on the Naked Bike Ride

Shelley Terry

Faithful readers, you won't believe this!

Just when we thought the world couldn't get any crazier, I discover naked bicycling. That's right — bicycling with no clothes on.

I received an email this week informing me that it's World Naked Bike Ride Month. Organizers say it promotes a positive body image, while saving the environment. They believe this stunt brings awareness to cars polluting the atmosphere.

I can't help but grimace at the thought.

I’m not a doctor, but wouldn't that hurt?

Imagine how hot the bicycle seat must get after a few hours in sun. Ouch! And, think about the possibility of a terrible sunburn in all the wrong places!

If anyone is interested in participating (I’m not), a business called "LawnStarter" has even gone as far as to rank 2023's Best Cities for Naked Biking.

They compared the 200 biggest U.S. cities based on five categories: naked biking events, local interest in nude cycling, bike trails, and legal bumps in the road (like public nudity laws). Here they are:

1 Philadelphia, Pennsylvania (What would our founding fathers say?)

2 Portland, Oregon

3 Seattle, Washington

4 New York, New York

5 Austin, Texas

6 Los Angeles, California

7 Chicago, Illinois

8 San Francisco, California

9 Madison, Wisconsin

10 Milwaukee, Wisconsin

According to the Los Angeles Times, last year's naked bicycling event in LA garnered about 300 participants — mostly completely unclothed.

"Be as bare as you dare," is the ride's rallying cry.

A similar event in Portland, Oregon drew nearly 10,000 cyclists, some with body paint, some with G-strings, but for the most part completely committed to the cause.

Interestingly, the majority of the list of the worst cities for nude biking are in Florida, followed by Arizona. I don't know if it's the intense heat or conservative leadership.

Event organizers and participants must be ingesting some mind-altering drugs if they think this stunt will go any distance toward influencing us to give up our vehicles.

But then, we all have heard of nudist camps, nude beaches and people who don't mind showing off their bottoms.

When I lived in Florida, about 25 years ago, I wrote a news story about the county commissioners trying to stop female hot dog vendors from wearing thong bikinis at their roadside stands.

At the time, roads in Brevard County, Florida were peppered with hot dog carts and bikini-clad women.

The commissioners said the women were a distraction and cited an increase in traffic accidents.

The headline of my story read something like this: "Commissioners steam over hot dog vendor's skimpy bikini."

The lead of my story: "Commissioners want female hot dog vendors to cover their buns."

(You just don't get good stories like that in northeast Ohio! Blame it on the weather.)

The hard-working, hard-bodied vendors’ day in the sun ended a few years later when one of the girls was arrested for selling more than hot dogs out of her road-side cart.

Life goes on.

Shelley Terry feels naked without her wrist watch. Sis feels naked without lipstick. What do you feel naked without? You can reach Shelley fully clothed at [email protected].

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